By way of example, Fortnum & Mason have recently been running a short story competition, with a shedload of gourmet chocolate being awarded to the winner. By any measure, that's a nice prize. It's also a nice challenge.
The brief? Write a 500-word story for their chocolate library. Said story must be inspired by one of three starting points vaguely related to a specific F&M chocolate bar.
I've gone for the Forever Chasing Supernovas (milk chocolate and passionfruit) bar - based on the brief that "for the last 1707 years, four passionate astronauts have hurtled through space, on the hunt for a peculiar portal to a spell-binding dimension".
Science fiction is not my forte, however, so I'm really hoping the stories are being judged by a Beatles fan. Not that the Beatles are my forte either... Anyway, here's my effort - let me know how many songs can you identify therein!
Forever Chasing Supernovas
Happy
birthday, Captain! You’re 1,740 today, but you don’t look a day over 64!
“I’d not look a day over 33 if you’d
only leave me in stasis.”
Lieutenant
Harrison’s baked a cake!
“I sincerely doubt that.”
OK.
I baked the cake. But Lieutenant Harrison gave me the recipe.
“You woke up Lieutenant Harrison just
to bake a cake?!”
Well,
technically, she was already awake…
“You’re saying she disabled the
hibernation protocol from the bridge while cryogenically frozen inside a locked
stasis pod?”
Yes.
I mean no. Um. It was an accident.
“You brought her out of stasis by
accident?”
Yes.
An accident. I was lonely so I accidentally pressed the off button.
“Ringo, you’re a robot.”
Android.
“Whatever. You’re programmed aren’t
you?”
Correct.
“And what is your prime directive?”
To
safeguard the crew as we traverse the Kanaloa nebula and pass through the Māla
wormhole.
“So, why are we having this conversation?”
Because
it’s your birthday!
“This isn’t about me is it? Last
week you thawed me out for World Stationery Day.”
But
you love pens!
“I’ve not seen a pen in 1,700 years!”
But
everyone loves pens!
“Who’s ‘everyone’, Ringo?! Everyone
we ever knew died centuries ago! Heck, for all we know, civilisation itself died
centuries ago. It’s not like Earth’s been in contact for, I dunno, the last
thousand years or so!”
You
know what you need? A proper blowout. You know, sit back … let the evening go.
Live for the moment. Enjoy the show.
“What I need is to be put back into
cryostasis.”
I’m
sorry Jean-Paul, I’m afraid I can’t do that.
“What do you mean you can’t do
that?! Your prime directive…”
…is
to look after you, yes, and that includes not letting you sleep through
dangerous astronomical phenomena, such as Phi Mu 217-9300 going supernova.
“I’m sorry, what?”
In
approximately 90 seconds, Phi Mu 217-9300 will go supernova.
“What?! Where’s Georgia?! Where’s Mack?!”
Lieutenant
Harrison is on the bridge, transmitting data back to Earth. Mr McKenzie is …
not at his post. I think he’s unwell.
“Why didn’t you wake me earlier?! We’ve
got less than five minutes before we’re toast – I should be on deck with my
crew!”
So,
I’m not crew any more? How’s that supposed to make me feel? I thought we were
friends…
“You know full well what I mean! I
can’t leave Georgia up there all alone!”
I
brought chocolate.
“You did what?”
Milk
chocolate. Filled with passion fruit. I thought you might like it. Just a
little token of appreciation, you know, from me, to you.
“I haven’t tasted chocolate for 900
years. I thought we’d run out?”
I
was saving it for a special occasion.
“Like my 1,740th birthday?”
Or
the end of a long cold lonely winter, perhaps.
“1,707 years is a long winter.”
Yes,
but the sun’s here now.
“Yep, here it comes.”
And
how’s the chocolate?
“It’s all right, Ringo – everything
is. It’s all right.”
brilliant! Good luck with it. When do you find out? I've probably only ever entered 1 short story comp in all these years as I never really know where to start. Good luck!
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