Forever Chasing Supernovas

Some competition entries take seconds; others take hours - but if you're getting into the zen of the endeavour, that's no bad thing. Well, it might be a bad thing if you're in the middle of your manager's PowerPoint presentation, but you get the point.

By way of example, Fortnum & Mason have recently been running a short story competition, with a shedload of gourmet chocolate being awarded to the winner. By any measure, that's a nice prize. It's also a nice challenge.

The brief? Write a 500-word story for their chocolate library. Said story must be inspired by one of three starting points vaguely related to a specific F&M chocolate bar.

I've gone for the Forever Chasing Supernovas (milk chocolate and passionfruit) bar - based on the brief that "for the last 1707 years, four passionate astronauts have hurtled through space, on the hunt for a peculiar portal to a spell-binding dimension".

Science fiction is not my forte, however, so I'm really hoping the stories are being judged by a Beatles fan. Not that the Beatles are my forte either... Anyway, here's my effort - let me know how many songs can you identify therein!

Forever Chasing Supernovas

Happy birthday, Captain! You’re 1,740 today, but you don’t look a day over 64!

“I’d not look a day over 33 if you’d only leave me in stasis.”

Lieutenant Harrison’s baked a cake!

“I sincerely doubt that.”

OK. I baked the cake. But Lieutenant Harrison gave me the recipe.

“You woke up Lieutenant Harrison just to bake a cake?!”

Well, technically, she was already awake…

“You’re saying she disabled the hibernation protocol from the bridge while cryogenically frozen inside a locked stasis pod?”

Yes. I mean no. Um. It was an accident.

“You brought her out of stasis by accident?”

Yes. An accident. I was lonely so I accidentally pressed the off button.

“Ringo, you’re a robot.”

Android.

“Whatever. You’re programmed aren’t you?”

Correct.

“And what is your prime directive?”

To safeguard the crew as we traverse the Kanaloa nebula and pass through the Māla wormhole.

 “So, why are we having this conversation?”

Because it’s your birthday!

“This isn’t about me is it? Last week you thawed me out for World Stationery Day.”

But you love pens!

“I’ve not seen a pen in 1,700 years!”

But everyone loves pens!

“Who’s ‘everyone’, Ringo?! Everyone we ever knew died centuries ago! Heck, for all we know, civilisation itself died centuries ago. It’s not like Earth’s been in contact for, I dunno, the last thousand years or so!”

You know what you need? A proper blowout. You know, sit back … let the evening go. Live for the moment. Enjoy the show.

“What I need is to be put back into cryostasis.”

I’m sorry Jean-Paul, I’m afraid I can’t do that.

“What do you mean you can’t do that?! Your prime directive…”

…is to look after you, yes, and that includes not letting you sleep through dangerous astronomical phenomena, such as Phi Mu 217-9300 going supernova.

“I’m sorry, what?”

In approximately 90 seconds, Phi Mu 217-9300 will go supernova.

“What?! Where’s Georgia?! Where’s Mack?!”

Lieutenant Harrison is on the bridge, transmitting data back to Earth. Mr McKenzie is … not at his post. I think he’s unwell.

“Why didn’t you wake me earlier?! We’ve got less than five minutes before we’re toast – I should be on deck with my crew!”

So, I’m not crew any more? How’s that supposed to make me feel? I thought we were friends…

“You know full well what I mean! I can’t leave Georgia up there all alone!”

I brought chocolate.

“You did what?”

Milk chocolate. Filled with passion fruit. I thought you might like it. Just a little token of appreciation, you know, from me, to you.

“I haven’t tasted chocolate for 900 years. I thought we’d run out?”

I was saving it for a special occasion.

“Like my 1,740th birthday?”

Or the end of a long cold lonely winter, perhaps.

“1,707 years is a long winter.”

Yes, but the sun’s here now.

“Yep, here it comes.”

And how’s the chocolate?

“It’s all right, Ringo – everything is. It’s all right.”

Losers who don't give up...

Finally … it’s time to go large! The moment you’ve all been waiting for, by which I mean the moment I’ve been waiting for: my book is finished. Or, more precisely, I’ve simply stopped working on it and have uploaded it for all to see on Amazon.

So what’s it about, you may well ask. To which the most obvious answer is comping. More specifically, it’s about my comping journey, from Johnny No-wins to Johnny Some-Wins. It’s a mix of winning stories, familiar frustrations, and meandering digressions on comping, and while the book won’t make anyone smarter, it does serve as a reminder that that anyone with half a mind to ‘be lucky’ can do just that.

This is my love letter to comping, and it’s dedicated to all the lovely people in the comping community who have helped me find a happier me.

Hope you enjoy it!

[EDIT] The e-book is nominally priced at £1.99, which is the cheapest Amazon will list it for, while the hard-copy is listed for £7.99. If you'd like the print version, but are prepared to wait a little, then please message me, as I can put in a bulk order and save you some pennies on the unit cost!

Building a Car for the #NoddyChallenge

Kids love boxes. Everyone knows that. Less well known is why. Research from the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital has the answer: it’s because womb lining actually feels like cardboard.

That's right - playing in boxes makes children feel safe; it takes them to a blissful, happy state - a world without sibling rivalry, where food is on tap and they don’t have to wash their hands before dinner.

Don’t believe me? Google it. Well, actually, don’t - it’s utter hogwash. Kids love playing in boxes simply because they can let their creativity run riot!

My lads amply demonstrated this last Friday when I'd barely finished unpacking a fresh delivery of mundane adult stuff (new towels - whoop!) when they snatched the box to make some vehicle or other, or possibly a pterodactyl.

The next day it rained. In my house, that's a Grade A Emergency. Why? Because it makes the children exponentially harder to vent. [This may not be the universally accepted term, but given the strange banging and gurgling noises my offspring produce when kettled, the semblance to boilers really is uncanny.]

But I digress: indoor pursuits were needed, and since the towel box was to hand (or more precisely, underfoot), a solution presented itself.

We were going to make a car.

Not any old car, you understand, but an awesome car. And who has the most awesome car? Noddy, of course!

Now, you all know Noddy - he’s been around since 1949, making such characters as Dennis the Menace and even Spider-Man look like utter Johnny-come-Latelys (Johnny-come-Latelys who can’t even drive, at that).

What's more, he's been the subject of two dozen books by the irrepressible Enid Blyton, and no fewer than nine TV series, the most recent of which reimagines him as a Toyland detective who explores mysteries while encouraging young viewers to explore their own world and make discoveries.

And with this in mind, today we were going to explore paint.

Our first discovery was that the boys' stockpile of paint was much smaller than I recalled, so we had to raid the tester pots I’d been hoarding under the stairs.

First-born attends to the ironmongery

The second discovery was that children really shouldn’t be trusted with emulsion.

Next, the steering wheel and headlamps

Still, with brushes, scissors and a can-do attitude, the boys focused themselves on the task in hand.

The finished product

And as their how-to video shows, they succeeded in turning the drab old box into this awesome replica of Toytown’s most iconic vehicle.

Never have I seen the older one so determined to make something - much less something of this magnitude. Suddenly, I'm not so scared of rain!


This is my entry into the #NoddyChallenge Blogger Competition hosted by Tots100 in association with The Book People.

With Grate Power Comes Grate Responsibility

Last week I mentioned that KISS were running a really cool competition ... Well, I *have* entered after all. It's a bit of a rush job, on account of work running me ragged, but hope springs eternal, right? And in this instance, I hope the promoter loves drains...

Take one

This year, one of my personal challenges is to enter as many video-based competitions as possible.
That’s not because I’m some bright young camera-wielding hotshot - quite the opposite in fact: I need the practice (and yes, it *is* way too late for me to be bright or young).

So what’s the rationale? Simply put, I suspect the number of video-based competitions is going to increase over the next few years. Why? Because we all have the technology.

Technology is plainly changing the comping landscape. To state the obvious, there were no web-based comps before the internet, no follow-RT comps before Twitter, and no selfie comps before the world and his dog had a front-facing camera in their smartphone.

Of course, today’s front-facing cameras don’t just take half-decent photos - they’re also capable of capturing respectable video footage too - and things will only improve.

I’m not born-digital. Aside from berating retailers, I get little joy from Twitter. Likewise, Snapchat, with its vacuous filters and counterintuitive interface, has done nothing for me except pacify my children during weddings and funerals.

In short, I am, despite my best efforts, a 42-year-old Luddite, guilty of spawning children purely so I have someone to sync my iPod when I retire.

Today’s children will be playing with video like we played with Chuckie Egg. Sure, they’ll still have written assignments at school, but video-based assignments aren’t going to be limited to drama and media studies lessons. Their media literacy is going to be all over ours. And this is where I draw the line - I’m not going to let the next generation outdo me when it comes to video comps!

Right now, I have only my phone and the video-editing software that came bundled with Windows. I’m sure there are plenty of free or modestly priced video editors out there, but for me the priority is such basics as lighting and narrative.

By way of example, here’s my entry into the recent WD40 life-hacks competition.

I really should have looked more closely at the contrast on the purple ink I was clearing up, as the light bleaches it out somewhat - I can only hope it’s sufficiently visible for the promoter. I also hope the promoter enjoys the footage of my lad’s apology that’s woven into it.

Here, I confess that he was actually apologising for a different misdemeanour - I just had the footage on file, as it were, and saw an opportunity to use it! Nonetheless, such confession bears emphasising. Compers already prepare for photo comps by snapping everything from sunsets to messy bedrooms - because who knows when those pictures will come in handy… All I can say is that a change is going to come, so start saving those video clips too!


How do you find technology is changing comping? Do you yearn for the "good old days", or do you embrace each new development as it comes on scene? What are your tips for video comps?