RTFM

I just entered the biggest competition of my life. Well, technically it wasn’t a competition - every now and then, the BBC scouts for fresh talent by opening its inbox for the submission of speculative scripts. The BBC makes it quite clear that this isn’t actually a competition and there aren’t prizes per se; however, those writers with the strongest potential to be developed and produced are invited on to a six-month development scheme for writers. Personally, I can’t see how such a life-changing opportunity isn’t a prize, but then semantics isn’t my strong point.

So, yes, I’ve been quiet of late because I’ve been putting an indescribable amount of effort into writing a sitcom about superheroes that contains no superheroes. A disproportionate amount of that effort was made in the last few days. Not because I care to be a last-minuter (I really don’t), but because I only scrutinised the instructions for authors four days before the deadline.

I’ve a degree in literature and a career in publishing. I’ve spent more hours reworking other people’s manuscripts than I’ve slept in the last ten years. But can I actually read instructions? (Clue: no).

Things I’d missed on the first pass included (a) how to format the screenplay; (b) the minimum length of the screenplay; and (c) all that extra stuff you have to include, such as outlines for the next two episodes.

For the uninitiated, screenplays are generally typeset in 12pt Courier, with all manner of prescriptions for where to lay out (i) this; (ii) that; and (iii) the other. Do it wrong, and your script goes straight for recycling. It’s basically combat school for writers. I’d researched elsewhere how to format a script, so my formatting wasn’t awful; on the other hand it wasn’t perfect, so it had to be fixed. Really though, that was the least of my worries.

The big problems were the fact that my screenplay was timed to accommodate an ad break - not something there’s much call for at the BBC, and that I hadn’t even thought about outlining further episodes.

In other words, I went from thinking I was an hour or two away from submission to finding about one-third of the labour still lay ahead. Oops.

On top of that, my eyes were bubbling from my heinous week of work, and my blood was boiling from my heinous week of parenting.

Blessed was I then that my incredibly supportive wife effectively locked me into my office, acted as a human shield, and sent in food as and when I sent out words.

Realistically, the odds of getting through to the final stages are punitively long. Last year, there were over 2600 submissions, most of which were likely discarded after the first ten pages were read. For this reason, if twenty pages of my work get read, I’m doing well.

I’m not sure they let you know how far you make through the process, but rest assured, if I find out someone has read the whole thing, I’ll be popping fizz.

The fact is, it’s a learning experience. And already I’m better prepared for my next effort-based competition as I’ve learned the hard way that instructions are designed to be read at the outset, not retrospectively!

Wish me luck!

When luck comes out of the blue

Some wins come out of nowhere. Literally nowhere. Like not even from a competition nowhere. You’re busy minding your own business, and then all of a sudden, a message slides in and you can't help but crack a grin.

Of course, mostly when this happens it’s spam. That much is obvious from the sender’s weird email address or the dodgy link you’re supposed to follow in order to claim your prize.

When this happened to me the other day, however, everything was above board.

I’d uploaded my son’s latest mad birthday list to Instagram and somehow it managed to end up getting seen by the sweet-hearted folks of Gentlemen’s Practice.

Just your average boy's birthday list, right?

As vendors of gentlemen’s accessories, they loved the idea that a wee lad was so keen to dapper up for his ninth birthday. The fact that he also wanted a “monk costume”, however, just made their day, and they asked if they could send him a little birthday treat.

A couple of days later the parcel arrived, and what a treat it was! It was so cool, that it took all my willpower not to hand it over there and then.

Four long weeks later, his birthday finally arrived, and at last I was able to tell him the story behind this extraordinary birthday treat. This got him even more excited - so much so that he decided to do a little unboxing video...

As if this generous treat wasn't bounty enough, it turns out that GP also sell very reasonably-priced pocket watches. Given that the little man has been begging for one since he was six (six!) and that for only a fiver more, you can get them engraved - how could we possibly resist?! When he saw his name on the watch, he was lost for words, which as anyone who knows him will tell you, is unprecedented!

Today we're sporting the matching bowtie & pocket square, which he's accessorising with a personalised pocket watch from the Gentleman's Practice store. Not shown here is the coordinating lapel pin (or the other tie and lapel pin)

Since then, his grandmother has given him a new suit, so all that remains to do is create a buttonhole in it so that he can wear his lapel pins (although, knowing him, he'll probably want a pocket in that monk’s habit so he can carry on wearing the watch, of course!).

I mention all this because even on the best of days, I'm terrible at remembering to water the flowers, much less stopping to smell them. Indeed, now that I'm coming off my pills, there are times when I'd cheerfully pave the whole front yard to put up that parking lot. I'm not alone in that. For this reason, when a complete stranger stops a moment not just to admire my hanging baskets, but also, through their green-fingered magic, make them bloom brighter and smell sweeter, I couldn't possibly feel more blessed. Thanks just aren't enough!

Define "Win"

When the goodies arrive before you complete your entry, does it still count as a win?

Forget what it says in the dictionary, I’m saying YES, because that’s what it feels like!

Sounds strange, I know, but I was recently introduced to a sweet little tactic to boost my win rate - or, more precisely, feel like I'm boosting my win rate, namely, BzzAgent.

For the uninitiated, BzzAgent describes itself as a way to “sample fun products and share your thoughts with friends and top brands”. In other words, they send you free stuff on the proviso that you promote it through your social media channels.

Naturally, there’s no guarantee that you will be deemed worthy to promote the brand in question, so - much like comping - an element of good fortune clearly comes into play.

Ahh, that luck thing again... Well, Luck is a saucy mistress, 'tis true, but my so-so fortune over the last few weeks is largely my own fault for failing to stay on top of things - indeed, the fact that two prizes clean slipped through my fingers provides ample evidence that my luck management has recently been off key.

With this in mind, when BzzAgent asked if I'd like to road-test a bag of coffee, I saw this as a bona fide opportunity to take control of my luck once more.

Always read the brief - adding the vapour trail was a key part of the instructions;
that and to look like I was enjoying my cup o' mud...

But how is this like a competition, you may ask? Well, in my case, my entry constituted a couple of tweets and an Instagram picture or two. Sounds easy, but I’m yet to score an excellent, partly because I'm a typical male and failed to read the instructions before posting my first photo. Fingers crossed I've not blotted my copybook - I’ll keep you posted!

What are your tactics for boosting that winning feeling? Perhaps you review products or send off for freebies? Share your secrets in the comments below!

Comping beneath the radar

What if I told you there was another way to win? A competition with no other entrants and no closing date. No terms, no conditions, and, erm, no guaranteed prizes either. Would you stick around to hear more? (You don’t have to answer that … but I will check my analytics!)

OK, so here’s the disclosure: it’s not technically comping. But when it works out, it most definitely feels like winning.

So what is this Hot New Thing? I call it karmic comping, but if anyone has a better name then I’m open to suggestions.

Why karmic? Because goodwill generates goodwill. (Disclosure 2: I originally put “good vibes” but didn’t want to turn off my non-hippy readers.)

Let me be clear - this isn’t for everyone. If you’re going to be cynical about it, you may as well leave the room now, because without genuine brand affection, this absolutely will not work.

Shrugging off that cloak of cynicism can be hard - I get that. After all, being a grown-up can often seem like one long grind. If this sounds all too familiar, you might want to take a step back and let your children do the talking, as it’s a well-known fact that the mouths of babes are ripe with spontaneous (and if you’re lucky, ill-informed) sincerity.

Case in point: My eldest lad’s most prized possession is (at the time of writing) a Pilot Frixion pen. He loves that pen. No toy comes close. So I thought I’d make a video about him and his pen.
And then I sent it to Pilot.

They loved it. They shared it. And they sent my delighted son another four of their fancy Frixion pens.

So what’s the lesson here? Brands love to share user-generated content because it’s genuine, grassroots love. It shows how their product makes a difference to real people. In turn, people connect with it, because it’s completely shorn of corporatism.

In other words, if you love a brand then let them know. And if you can let them know in a way that tickles their chestnuts, who knows … maybe they’ll love you back. That’s karma.

Have you ever tweeted unsolicited love to a brand? How did it go?!